Poop Facts: Bunny Edition
by Hurble Dee
Summary: Nick and Judy discuss poop. No, seriously! More specifically: coprophagy, the act of eating faeces, and how hares like Judy do actually practice this, and more. This fic involves a disgusted fox, compost manure tea, and most surprisingly of all: ZERO toilet humour. I'm actually serious on that last one, though you may be forgiven for not believing me.


**Disclaimer: In no way, shape or form do I own Zootopia. That's all Disney. I only own the idea of this fanfic.**

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 **Poop Facts: _Bunny Edition_**

Noon is when the lunch rush begins for many restaurants across the whole of Zootopia. Mammals of all kinds can be seen dashing out of their offices and making a beeline to the nearest fast-food joints in an attempt to make full use of their lunch break. One simply needs to look through the window to see crowds of mammals shoving food down their gullet while the hapless servers struggle to keep up with orders. And among the crowds of mammals, a bunny and fox duo can be seen making friendly conversation, a rare sight.

"The insults mammals can come up with these days. Where do they come up with these things?" Groaned Judy.

"The heck if I know, Carrots. I suppose the hate you feel toward the cops who got you put behind bars would help. Remember that bear we arrested some time back? _**Yikes!**_ Now _that_ mammal had some really creative insults. _Gosh darn it to heck! Darn you no-good, stinking fox and your turd-eating, country rabbit partner over there!_ Fortunately, my brain filtered out most of it and replaced swear words here and there, or else my ears would've started bleeding." Replied Nick. " **Un** fortunately, while amusing, the same cannot be said about the dozen or so kids who were present at that park and the parents who scrambled to cover their ears."

"With that mouth of his, that bear would easily be the top contender for 'The World's Best Swearer', no problem." Joked Judy.

"I dunno… I think Finnick would've given him a good run for his money. You clearly haven't spent enough time around him. The words that spew out of his mouth would make even veteran sailors blush. And that's on his good days too."

"Well, anyways, that bear was one of the rudest mammals I've ever met. He yelled all sorts of nasty things at me. I mean, he called me a _rabbit_ , for crying out loud! It's obvious that I'm totally a _hare_! That's just plain rude."

"Of all the things he yelled at you, _that's_ the one thing that offends you?"

"Well… there are just so many differences between rabbits and hares, and yet that bear just completely disregarded all of that, thinking they're the same thing. **Yes, they're both Lagomorphs, but STILL!"** Ranted an angry Judy.

"Woah, chill out for a moment there, Carrots. I'm pretty sure that there are many mammals out there who don't know the differences between the two. Heck! Even I don't know." Said Nick, in an attempt to defuse the big bunny bomb before it exploded from anger.

"Sorry. It's just a pet peeve of mine. Why do you think I go for calling myself a bunny, a term that refers to both hares and rabbits, instead of just a hare? Most mammals just seem to get rabbits and hares wrong, and I don't understand _why_." Sighed Judy. "While I can for the most part ignore it, something about how that bear said it _really_ rubbed me the wrong way. Eghh"

"Eh. I think it's because there's so many varieties of mammals, _wayyyy_ too many to remember. Remembering all of them doesn't really benefit them much, and thus they don't. This is especially true for species that are looked down upon. That's why no one calls me and Finnick out whenever he poses as my son, they think: _They're both foxes, after all. No problem there_. Red Foxes and Fennec Foxes can't actually produce offspring together, y'know?"

"Was it that unusual? When I first met you two, I thought you were, like, married to a Fennec Fox, and Finnick was your stepson, or something. It's not that uncommon to find inter-species marriages, is it?" Questioned the female officer.

"Ah, but you're forgetting that for the most part, foxes mate for life. Same for Fennec Foxes. Sure, very occasionally, we can seek out other partners, and that's rare enough as it is. And to have a partner that is a different species? What are the odds? You would think that more mammals would be sceptical. Shame on them." Judy started to ponder the points made by Nick.

He continued: "And for mammals to think that I was in an inter-species marriage, they would actually have to be able to distinguish between the different types of foxes. However, they most likely can't. In the eyes of many mammals, foxes are all the same, and I'm assuming that's the case with mammals like rabbits and hares. I don't know about Bunnyburrow, but you'd be surprised at how many mammals here in Zootopia don't acknowledge or respect inter-species marriages, at least between different animal types. But… it's gotten _much_ better in recent years, with many more individuals starting to _tolerate_ it. Sure, it's not the same as _acceptance_ , but it's a start."

"It's a real shame. I don't really see anything wrong with inter-species relationships, I think it's a great thing that the love of two mammals can transcend species and social stigma."

"Those sound like the words of a romantic. Who are you and what have you done to Carrots?" Teased Nick.

"Har, har. Just because I'm as tomboyish as a tomboy can get, doesn't mean that I can't have any fantasies of romance every now and then."

"A romantic Carrots… now _that's_ an oxymoron if I've ever heard one."

Nick was then rewarded with a punch to the shoulder.

 ***smack***

"OW! That legitimately hurt, you know. Fine, I'll stay away from that from now on."

"Glad that's loud and clear."

"But seriously though, that's the one part that offended you?! What about the whole 'turd-eating' bit?" Inquired the fox.

"Huh? You found that part offensive?" Exclaimed a surprised Judy.

"Why wouldn't I? I mean, its not like bunnies actually eat their own turds, do they? It's degrading!" Explained Nick.

"But we do, actually."

"I'm sorry, what?" Deadpanned Nick

Judy started to repeat herself: "I said that we do- "

" **I heard you the first time!"** Yelled Nick, causing several of the nearby patrons to look at them at surprise, much to his embarrassment. " _ **Ahem…**_ Are you being serious right now, Carrots? If so, you have a much worse sense of humour than I initially thought."

"I'm not kidding! It's a real thing that lagomorphs do." Insisted Judy.

"I don't believe you."

"It's called coprophagy. You're free to look it up on the Internet if you really don't think it exists."

Upon being prompted, the red fox cop quickly whipped out his smartphone and started to rapidly type 'coprophagy' into the search bar, and tapped on the first link that popped up, a Wikipedia article. He then stopped, simply staring at the screen with a vacant expression on his face. It took an entire two minutes before he became respondent again.

"Nick…? **Nick…?** _**Nick…?**_ Repeated the worried bunny.

"Huh? Oh! Err… yeah, I'm alright. I just… Erghhhh…" Groaned the fox, as he rubbed his forehead in exasperation.

"Is it really _**that**_ shocking?"

"Yes! Yes, it is... So, lagomorphs actually do eat your own waste?

"That is correct."

 **" _WHYYYYY…?"_**

"To re-digest the nutrients that weren't absorbed the first-time round."

"Do _**you**_ do that?"

"I haven't had to resort to that yet." Casually replied Judy.

"Oh, okay. So- _**Wait…**_ what do you mean… _resort_?" Cautiously asked Nick.

"Well… it's actually common for many low-income bunny families start resorting to coprophagy either to cut down on expenses or if they really can't afford food to eat." Explained Judy, while Nick just listened on, not knowing what to think. "Luckily for me, I earn more than enough money to get by, and really don't have to consider doing that for now. A cop's salary may be low, but it's not that low."

Nick remained silent, slowly digesting the new information that was just presented to him.

"You okay there?" Asked Judy.

"It's just… it's one thing to read this stuff off the Internet or hearing it from a different mammal," Replied Nick, as he slowly turned green. He continued: "but it's another thing entire thing entirely to hear all this stuff from a species that actually practices the stuff. It packs a stronger punch to the gut, if that makes sense."

"Eh. I guess I can understand why you're reacting like this. Only a few species practice coprophagy, after all. Must be really weird to all the other species who don't."

"Have you done it before?"

"Nick, are you sure that you want to continue this conversation? You're looking kind of' green." Worried Judy.

"I'm fine, Carrots. I think it's best to digest and get sickened by this fact now, then prolong the experience longer than absolutely necessary." Reasoned Nick. "May as well learn about the full extent of it now."

"Okay then…" Responded Judy. She was still unsure if she should continue this line of conversation with her partner, but ultimately decided to trust Nick's judgement and begin telling him about her experiences.

"Well… the only period of time I actually did all that was when I was about 10, or so. The family business wasn't doing so well and we had to _really_ had to cut down expenses in order to get by. We did all sorts of stuff to make that happen." Recounted Judy.

"Right… Go on…" Urged Nick.

"In order to cut down on the expenses for food, as that's the one that costs the most due to how large the family is, everyone had to start collecting their own faeces and start eating it at meal times as a supplement to smaller meal portions. They were basically the vitamin tablets that we sometimes had, but it was crappier." Cheerily said Judy.

" _ **Ughhhhh…"**_ Cringed the fox. "Carrots. Just, **don't**. That's bad, even by your standards, and that's saying something."

"I'm not sorry." Dismissed Judy. "Anyways, we had to continue doing that for about… 10 weeks, I think? At least until the business started picking up again. You wouldn't believe the smell that lingered in the dining hall after that, it was really sh-"

 ***groan***

"-ty and it just wouldn't go away no matter what we did. After that, just about everyone refused to eat in the dining hall again, and Dad had no choice but to permanently seal off the area and we had to build a second dining hall from scratch." Continued Judy.

"That's interesting, I guess…" Replied Nick. "I can't ever imagine sustaining a diet like that for a week, let alone 10."

"Yeah… Admittedly, that really wasn't the most fun memory that I had of the time." Agreed Judy. "But once I got used to it, it really wasn't so bad- Yeah… who am I kidding? That was just plain nasty. But it provided extra nourishment, at least."

"Well… that's over with, so there's no need to dwell on it any longer, I guess." Said Nick. "But I'm interested now, you said that you and your family did all sorts of things, right?"

"Yes, why?"

"What sort of things did you guys do then?"

Judy then put her paw to her chin, and thought for a while. She then finally decided on what to tell Nick: "Um… Once we started earning enough money to buy more food again, we thought of ways to cut down the expenses of other things. Since, at the time, the price of fertilizer was on the rise, Dad eventually decided to start collecting everyone's waste in order to make home-made fertilizer."

"I hate where this is going but continue anyways." Urged Nick.

"Apparently, since bunny waste is high in nitrogen and phosphorus, it's actually pretty good for using as fertilizer to grow crops."

"What? You guys just used it as it is to make fertilizer? Isn't that… bad, or something?" Questioned Nick.

"We figured using it as it is might turn some potential customers away from buying our produce, so we composted it before turning it into fertilizer, even though it really wasn't necessary." Explained Judy. "And to make full use of it, as we grow a ton of produce, we made a 'compost manure tea' by adding 5 parts water to 1-part waste, stirring it everyday for a week, and using the resulting solution to freely water all of the plants."

"How in the world do you remember all of this?"

"I was one of the ones who was assigned to help make the stuff. We made _a lot_ of batches." Explained Judy.

"Go figure. Well, what then?"

"Other than using it for growing crops, due to how much we made, we began selling it to the nearby farms for well below the market price as a side business. And I think that's about it, I think."

"That's it?"

"At least, those two things were the most interesting things we did to save money. The rest is fairly normal stuff. And if I elaborate any more on the first two topics, I'm worried that you can't keep your lunch down."

"Okay, then. So, to summarize: Your entire family ate their own waste for about 2 and a half months in order to save money, and used home-made fertilizer for growing your produce until you guys had enough cash to buy more fertilizer?" Summarized Nick.

Judy slowly processed what her partner had just said, and replied: "…Yes."

Nick then abruptly stood up and proclaimed: "Well… that marks the end of our lunch break."

"Nick, what are you talking about? We still have about… 15 minutes left."

"Carrots, it was nice getting a lesson about bunny turds and what you can do with it, helped my knowledge bank to grow. However, said lesson had also killed whatever appetite I had left." Explained Nick. "Now if you would excuse me, I'm waiting in the car."

And with that, Nick had bee-lined towards the exit. Sighing to herself, Judy continued with the rest of her meal. As she took a bite, she thought to herself: _**"Given how he reacted, I guess Nick doesn't have to know that we still use the home-made fertilizer for our crops. Wouldn't want to ruin his favorite Hopps-grown blueberries now, would I?"**_

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 **AN: Coprophagy is an actual thing that hares and rabbits do. Seriously, look it up on Google. When I found this out, I spent more time on its Wikipedia page researching it than I would like to admit. I also researched using bunny droppings in gardening, _also_ with more time than I would like to admit. In all of the Zootopia fics I read, I don't think anyone has covered this topic yet. I might not be the first, but it's unique and interesting, right? _Right?_**

 ** _Thanks for reading, and leave a review. Constructive criticisms are welcome._**


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